How to stop believing that becoming a mum means erasing the woman you were
No one warns you how much grief can coexist with joy.
Before motherhood, we often think our fears are about labour, sleepless nights, or whether we’ll know what to do. But sometimes, the real fear runs deeper — that in becoming a mother, we’ll somehow lose the woman we used to be.
For me, that woman was the party girl.
She was confident, spontaneous, and free. The one who said yes to last‑minute adventures, who thrived on late nights, loud music, and wild laughter. She measured her worth by how alive she felt — and how many stories she collected along the way.
There was a power in her energy, even when it left her exhausted.
The Shift
When motherhood arrived, it felt like that part of me disappeared overnight.
The same girl who once danced barefoot at midnight now had to learn which baby bottle nipple prevented colic. The thrill of crowded rooms and late‑night conversations was replaced by quiet, unseen victories — like soothing a baby to sleep at 3 a.m.
It’s not just a change in pace. It’s a shift in identity — one kind of adrenaline exchanged for another.
The hardest part isn’t the loss of freedom; it’s the loss of witness.
Being the party girl meant being seen. Being a mum can feel like becoming invisible — especially in those early months. No one celebrates surviving the witching hour or remembers to clap for you in the Target car park when you’re covered in spit‑up.
And then comes the guilt: the fear that missing your old self means you’re not grateful for the new one. As if nostalgia cancels love.
But here’s the truth — both versions of you can coexist.
Integrating Both Selves
The woman you were before motherhood doesn’t need to disappear.
She taught you curiosity, courage, and how to find joy in the unexpected.
Motherhood simply adds another layer — one that’s softer, slower, and more deeply connected. The party girl and the mum both crave the same thing: to feel alive, seen, and valued.
You don’t have to bury one to embrace the other.
Now, the mum gets the spotlight. The party girl just moves to the background — still there, still glowing — waiting for her cue on rare nights when the music plays again.
Finding Confidence Again
So much of early motherhood is about rediscovering yourself — and realising that confidence doesn’t end when the baby arrives.
It evolves.
Maybe it looks like finding the courage to breastfeed in public for the first time, trusting your body, and knowing you’re still you.
That’s one of the reasons we created the Momcho — a soft, Italian‑made breastfeeding cover designed to help mums feed anywhere, comfortably and confidently. It’s not about hiding. It’s about showing up for yourself and your baby with quiet strength — the same kind of strength that once got you through those wild nights, now reborn in gentler light.
Embracing the New Story
Motherhood doesn’t erase your story — it expands it.
The woman who once lived for late nights now lives for early mornings filled with tiny hands and sleepy smiles. The same heartbeat, just a different rhythm.
The fear comes from thinking one self has to die for the other to live.
The freedom comes from realising she doesn’t.
Both women — the party girl and the mum — belong to you.
Both are worthy of celebration.
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